Babes who Diet,
I get it! I have been on diets since I was 12 years old, and I felt so uncomfortable and self conscious about my body, for what seems like my whole life. So I get it! That why I started my weight loss detox retreat here in France.
I was 12 years old sitting on the kitchen work surface watching my Mum do the ironing, enjoying a hot chocolate and some cheese after school, when I was told that I had to watch what I ate from now on or I would get fat and no body loves a fat girl, and also regularly being told you will never lose the fat once it starts. So I went on my first diet, I went cold turkey and stopped all the sauces, sugars, milk, cream, cheese, white bread and banned nearly everything that I loved in one day.
I started early with the diet mentality and learned to see certain foods as BAD. I followed my Mums understanding about how weight happened on the body, and put my faith and body in the hands of hundreds of so called experts and specialists who promised that that would manage my weight. Funny thing was at my young age of 12, I was not even fat, I was normal, even skinny. It was the fear of being fat that my mother often repeated to me that caught my attention. “You have to watch what you eat now or you will be fat, and never be able to lose it later”. Powerful words that stuck with me as a 12 year old and that have followed me around like a lead weight ever since.
Teenagers put on a guilt trip to start a diet, naturally move onto mental and eating disorders
This developed into a feeling of not being good enough and constantly comparing myself to others, who was fat, who was thin? Who was popular? What did they eat? Why was I fat? Why was it that I could pinch an inch? I was extremely shy and not at all confident in crowds of people, which I now know only too well as my social phobia born from having No body confidence what so ever. My fear of how I will come across, or how I will be judged, for my body shape and size plagued my thoughts. Had me in tears at many business events when I had to do a presentation. I knew my stuff but I did not want to be judged on my looks alone. Would I be rejected, left alone and look like a fool, laughed at, and teased – so maybe It is just easier to not to turn up. It was so painful to be out in front of crowds, the worst of all my times as a teenager was when I was in college.
When I was 17 and at College, I had to walk the walk of death – every day into the huge canteen, table and tables filled with cocky over self confident students, and I felt I was looking for ages to find the table with the gang of friends I hung out with. I found ways to cover up, I had a Cleopatra hair cut, that perfectly hid my face if I bowed my head, my hair would drop perfectly to cover my face like drawing the curtains. I also had a huge oversized coat and hood that I could happily hide inside. I was painfully shy and sat at the tables amongst my friends. But when I heard something funny I could not help myself, I giggled and laughed out loud. (my signature laugh) No body believed it came from me, such a naughty, dirty and mischievous laugh from the mouse who never spoke. Somewhere inside I was desperate to be a different girl.
As I developed I was always conscious of my body and felt a little bit lost, excluded and different. I hid away and felt I needed something I could control, that became my food. I learnt about food and got to know all about food and being ‘the perfectionist’ towards my food and health, now it even has a recognised term which is known as orthorexia. I was choosing only the best organic, raw, in season, locally grown vegetables, not drinking or smoking, choosing water of a certain pH and mineral content. I had no vices. I was pure as the driven snow. But also I felt so bloody bored and out of my mind and totally antisocial for being a health food fanatic and goody two shoes. Where had I gone? I had gone from hiding, to controlling myself to be accepted with food. I felt like I had become a fraud, because all I really wanted was to be wild, and run riot, to be the rebel and be the cheeky girl I knew I was inside.…
I have happily since then forgotten more than I ever learnt about food, the digestion and all the diet rules (on purpose) and found freedom with food and in myself.
And today, because I feel so saddened to see so many smart capable women, struggling with their bodies and food, and hiding behind their perfect yet vulnerable masks, but behind the scenes still struggling with exactly that same issues as I had. Their weight and bodies crying for them to see the link and do everything they can to become that real woman she has been craving to be and feel vibrant and ALIVE.
You see, I don’t care how fat or thin women are today, I just want you to enjoy every god given moment and to feel utterly ALIVE in your bodies.
When I discovered the way to be at peace with food, and be at peace with myself, I unblocked so much of what had held me trapped. I began to consciously create for myself a body I felt utterly free in and how to enjoy my food once again. Such freedom came from small simple tasks daily that allowed me to create the body and life I wanted to live.
My Peace with Food is a program I run for 5 weeks and is available as a Do It Your Self self study video course to reconnect you with your body.
I started running detox weight loss retreats here in France to support women to release, reset and reconnect with their bodies. It has been so successful because we don’t concentrate on just food but what you want and what makes you so happy you could sing.
Fiona Robertson
Body Renewer to the Stars
xx
